Someone call Jack Bauer, we have a “25 tweets from April 25th” emergency situation. Put your cards down NOW!!!! Step AWAY from the pocket pair! DO IT!!!
Jeff Madsen
Heading to palazzo to meet up with some NFL players and destroy the city!
Lacey Jones
Getting serenaded by two Irish boys and wondering why I can’t understand a word they are saying.
Maria Ho
How about tool, toolbag (which is like a hybrid of tool and douchebag)?!
Annie Duke
Who the fuck has been smoking Parliaments in our car?
Matt Savage
No threat to quitting my day job… Busted and disgusted! I really suck at NLH!
Victoria Coren
I’ve actually done it. I’ve written a column about ant estate agents. Oh well. At least I’ll be fired in time to enjoy the summer.
Evelyn Ng
an enormous seagull just flew into our room and stole a chocolate croissant off our breakfast table!!! that really just happened!!!
Ashton Kutcher (HOW THE FUCK DID HE GET IN HERE?)
My dad just told me his favorite actor is jack black.. Um. Uh. Throat clearing noises…
Andy Bloch
Someone’s status on facebook: “Can’t believe I just talked to Andy bloch. kind of.” Cool, I made someone happy with 2 keystrokes! I’m happy.
Erica Schoenberg
Just drove 2 Apple only to have them tell me I need an appt 2 even look at my laptop or drop it off. F U MAC! I’m back 2 PC!
Vanessa Rousso
began a marathon backgammon match vs chad. Playing to 50, I have a 23-22 lead…
Phil Helmuth
Going to play Canadian Headi up tourney. Mayor of Calgary going to have White Hat Ceremony for me. Like Key to City
Daniel Negreanu
Chad the video guy thinks twttter is exclusively for homosexuals.
Tiffany Michelle
In Florida enjoying my beach front villa, beautiful weather and great company. Big thanks to the Daytona guys for their hospitality! - If you’re in the area come to the Daytona Poker Room this wknd and join me on Sun for the WSOP Qual. Info is on my website.
David Williams
They should make a Patron scented and flavored cologne. I’d wear it and I’m sure I’d attract the right kind of women…drunks.
Annette Obrestad
Testy testy. Please ignore Fgj Fhjk Cgjklvfghb Bvfcnhfvkln Ngdcnjffbhhddgvgujn Vfgbffkjv. Fh. Nj mkkhf. Bhdddjkv. Ngdjl fdbkgrfbjdgn …
DutchBoyd
Level lesson : Never bring a beautiful woman into a shark pit. Even the security guy was hitting on Michele…
Jean-Robert Bellande
Just accepted Hucks bet: 2 mile race for 3k. He runs backwards in high heals! OMG! This could be embarrasing.
Dave Ulliott (Devil Fish)
Paddy and mick pilots for air fungas coming in to land jesus say s mick look how short the runway is yes says paddy but look how wide it is
Todd Brunson
I was calling a floorman for chips and he thought I was calling security on him. So he ran
Bryan Micon
FAKE MICON TWITTER HAS BEEN DEFEATED! /bryanmicon is THE ONLY MICON TWITTER /bmicon IS DONK FUCKING DOWN
Steve Justice
somebody help me with Ultimate Bet Security in Costa Rica!!!!…I have been on the phone for over hour. (ed: oh the agony - I feel your pain - being here too)
Jose Tavares
@ the Marlins baseball game some chick sitting in front of me is the nagging t… Read More: http://is.gd/upR0 http://twitpic.com/3xrhh
Brett Jungblut
Playing in beer pong tourn w/ todd brunson live feed @ pokerroad.com
Jonathan Little
@katyhumphrey and myself are at the DMV so we can change our address so I can buy a giant gun.
wow. David Williams is the best one, hilarious. And yes, WTF is Ashton Kutcher doing on here? Does he not have enough popularity as it is? Shame on you :)