Paris Hilton - Will Sexton Poke Her?

Paris Hilton sucks... at poker

I know, I know. Talking about silly slutty girls whose claim to fame is being a vapid heiress to a family fortune and a drunk driver should be saved for a site like gawker or TMZ. My justification is this: if we’re willing to post nudes of some kind of asexual extraterrestrial like Tila Tequila, then a story about a flat-chested semen-receptacle like Paris Hilton is right up our alley.

Paris Hilton Loses Her Bentley

Did you know that one of Ms. Hilton’s many… um, talents… is a great poker game? Well, neither does she, apparently, because she has been known to go completely Hollywood and bet her Bentley in a card game—of course she lost it. Anyway, the story goes on that she didn’t quite learn her lesson and returned to another private poker game with her new Bentley in tow, just in case she had a small pair she wanted to lose it on.

The opportunity didn’t come up, but she did leave the venue after discovering that her Bentley had been egged. Whether or not the perpetrators knew it belonged to Paris is a mystery, but I suspect that if they had been aware, the damage would have either been far greater or far less.

Paris vs Sexton

Apparently, Partypoker.com assumes that Paris is so flustered by the vandalism that they’ve reinstated their challenge to her: if she wins in heads-up poker against their spokesman, Mike Sexton, then they will buy her a new car (valued around $200,000). The challenge was first offered when she lost her first car, but Paris refused because she doesn’t know the meaning of the term “freeroll.”

The last time that Sexton and Hilton played together was at the 2007 Celebrity Invitational in Los Angeles, where Sexton was reportedly dumping chips to Hilton to simply keep her in the game. I imagine that he wouldn’t extend her the same charity in a heads-up match.

- Luke Phillips