10 Stupidest Reasons to Play a Hand of Poker

There’s a lot to be said about hand selection in poker games. Usually, different hands are revered for their high value and organizational relevance. Still, that doesn’t keep people from playing some real crap for stupid reasons.

These are the top 10 reasons not to play a hand of poker

Just Because

This isn’t even a rationalization. This is an excuse that you give your mom when she asks why you didn’t clean your room or take out the garbage. When there’s money at stake, it’s a bad time to be contrary for the sake thereof.

There’s Possibilities

One of my old poker buddies always justified playing hands by saying, in a smug voice, “I got possibilities.” Three cards to make two-pair or a runner-runner straight draw is not possibilities. Quit saying that.

It’s A Three-Gap

Is that your way of saying you’re drawing to a straight? Don’t you know that only one three-gap hand can make the nut straight, and all the rest are going to lose ingloriously to the much more often played no-gap connectors? And hey, two-gap players, you’re not so much better. Wipe that smile off your face.

For “Future Value”

There are plenty of drawing hands that will get you in a great position if you hit the board right, so you don’t have to play all kinds of disorganized hands just to prove to your opponents that you will do it. Drop the 5-3.

To Get a Bad Beat

In essence, a player who does this is spite incarnate, trying to catch lightening in a bottle and be the scourge of another tighter player. Maybe if he inflicts a bad beat, the victim will be so jarred that they’ll almost play as badly as the beater.

Because You’re Down

Loosening your standards to try to get back to even might be a sign of clinical gambling addiction. How do you feel about that?

Because You’re Up

You’ve found a strategy that works for you and now you want to change it? Go ahead, you don’t deserve to win anyway.

No One Would Expect It

Ah, yes. Very sneaky raising with that 8-3 under the gun. When you steal the blinds, everyone will be so embarrassed when you show.

It’s Soooted

This is one of the flimsiest reasons I’ve ever heard, as if somehow catching a flush with your 4-2 is a sure thing. A four-flush board will destroy you. A five-flush will negate you. A three-flush doesn’t even ensure a win! Is it really that good a hand?

It’s Named

Playing a hand because it’s named is like playing trying to invoke the power of the name from the hand. Setting aside hands that are complete crap like, for example, the Doyle Brunson (10-2) that still have some kind of interesting or intimidating namesake, do you really want to invoke the power of the Gay Waiter (Q-3)? I used to play with people who made up names for hands like Jesus Christ (J-3), just so they could play them. Don’t be that guy.

Stop being so stupid people!

- Luke Phillips