A is for - All-In…… Call…… F**k!!!!!!

The A-Z of Poker

Welcome to the best damn poker glossary on the face of the internet. Poker glossaries are useful, convenient, necessary… and patently fucking dull. The following is still a glossary of poker terms, but in pure Sex And Poker style - we’ll be shifting expectations a little and adding in a few bonersus (yes, that a combo of boner and bonus - i figured it describes the site name well). We’ll also challenge ourselves and you to come up with ways to use a word in a sentence - cos everyone loves that game right?

Sex And Poker - Brought to you by the Letter A

1. ACE

Hows that for a lovable Ace!

Let’s start with an easy one. The Ace is the best card in poker (excluding some weird variants) and represents either the lowest value card (1) or the highest value card - coming after the King. It’s also an 80s word meaning cool that has been rekindled by those funny fuckers Jake & Amir over at College Humor. It’s kinda like when a skater kids say “rad”, the decade prior to that people were saying “ace”.

Now Try Using Ace in a sentence…

Young Speak Sex And Poker is like, so totally Ace!

Metro Talk I totally Aced that sexual compatibility test in Cosmo!

Poker I have a full house, Aces full of Kings

Best Ace Reference on the Internetz…

www Ace by Jake And Amir

2. ACT

Like he's really asleep - I don't believe that for a minute

To Act - to make a play (bet, call, raise, or fold) at the required time. It’s also a theatrical discipline for the great stage - and fits well with the parallel skill of bluffing/lying. It’s all an Act after all.

Usage You’ve been Acting like a total jerk lately.

Descriptive noun: the Air Cock Thrust, a dance move pioneered by the underground hip-hop group, then stolen and twisted by teenage boys to be used in dance parties where they dissaprove of the music choice. (Urban Dictionary)

FYI It’s your turn to Act biyatch

Best Act Reference on the Internetz…

www The best balancing Act

3. ACTION

Don't EVER fuck with Action Man! He's basically Chuck Norris.

Action is when it’s a player’s turn to act. But first he must get the approval to continue from either Action Man or Chuck Norris. Nice Action: People will often say “nice action in this hand”, when people are involved and are making steady bets. Also used to describe getting the goods from a lady friend.

Warning Stay the fuck away from Action Man

On Phone This table has awesome action - get your ass down here.

Tip The phrase Action Jackson can be used as a distraction in an awkward situation. The confusion creates enough time for you to think of a decent answer.

Sex A question asked among friends: “hey, you get any action last night?”

Best Action Reference on the Internetz…

www Chuck Norris Action Pants (I know, there’s nothing cooler)

4. ADD-ON

Add-on and Strap-on are the same right?

This one is saucy right off the bat. Technically an add-on is an amount of chips that may buy at a designated time in a poker tournament. It usually gives good value compared to the initial buy-in and you pretty much always want to do it - to prevent your opponents getting a big boost in chips. It also sounds remarkably like strap-on, so I’ll leave that decision up to you (or should I say up IN you?)

Conversation Are you going to get the Add-On? Fuck yeah, may as well.

Joke Are there any other things you can add on for me? (staring at crotch).

Sexy A strap-on for a female computer. “I got an add-on in PC world.”

Best Add-On Reference on the Internetz…

www I hope people like this stay on the internet and aren’t allowed outside

5. ADVERTISING

Ummm, did this man sell out?

Advertising is many things including Phil Hellmuth’s overcrowded jacket. In general terms it’s giving an indication of your intentions or the cards you are holding with the explicit idea of gaining a psychological advantage. Banned in places and seen as gamesmanship in others, it’s still nevertheless totally awesome fun for your home game - if you like to raise a little hell.

Usage When playing heads up and trying to get a read on the other player, you show them your cards deliberately and ask a question like “So, can you beat that”, at which point you try to gauge a reaction.

Over-Usage Having Nascar style advertising on your jacket at the table. - Yes you Phil!

Caring About Usage When the tag on your clothing sticks out, showing the brand name - “Wait hun, you’re advertising”

Best Advertising Reference on the Internetz…

www Epic advertising fail

6. ALL IN

Obama is All In - YES WE CAN!!!

No Limit Texas Hold’Em is the worlds most popular poker game for a reason, that reason is the All-In move. It’s so f**king addictive and it never ever gets old. You basically declare that you are betting with everything you’ve got - in the old days a house or car key and the shirt off your back. It can also refer to being all the way to Memphis in a carnal sense (I’ll let you figure that one out).

Usage I’m All-In bitches (please, please let me win)

Nothing Left Linda Tripp: “Go deeper baby, I can’t even feel it.” Gary Coleman: “I can’t, bitch…I’m all in.”

Bonding If we’re gonna do it, let’s do it. I’m all in baby.

Best All-In Reference on the Internetz…

www This ginger kitten is pretty All In - nice spot to be in tho!!!

7. ALL IN, CALL, FUCK!!!

All In!.... Call...... FUCK!!!!!

I have to take 100% of the credit for this phrased - “coined by moi”. If you can’t figure it out yeet, it’s based on the premise of a home game (typically) where you make an All-In move when you shouldn’t. You’re basically bullying and trying to steal a pot.

So it goes down like this: (2 characters, you and me)

Me: ALL IN

You: pause… CALL

Me: FUCK!!!!!!!

We’ve all done it - unless you’re a conservative pussy that doesn’t take risks. When it happens it’s always funny and if you’re super luck you sometimes snag that case Jack to win a hand you had no business being in.

Usage All-In…Call…Fuck!

Best All-In Reference on the Internetz…

www Sadly there ain’t no video of it online yet - but I’ll try and record it next time - I do it a LOT.

8. ANTE

Ante Up Biyatch!

From Wikipedia: An ante is a forced bet in which all players put an equal amount of money or chips into the pot before the deal begins. In Texas Hold’em you also have blinds which we’ll cover in “B is for Big Fucking Blinds!”, but essntially they are also forced bets to generate action in the game.

Usage Ante Up Losers

Losing Track What levels do the Ante’s start on again?

Too Obvious I’m Anti Ante - so I’m not paying. (tumbleweed, sighs and a couple of smacks around the head).

Reader Challenge

If you can think of any more Poker A’s then submit them in the comments below - any that we add will have your name on as a credit - for electronic “awesome” points.

- Scott Pilson