So mean old Joan Rivers won the Celebrity Apprentice - what a scam! To try and re-dress the balance we here at Sex And Poker are going to undertake a quick anthropological study to determine who the winner should really be. To achieve this, we are going to use the super scientific method of comparing Urban Dictionary (UD) definitions.
Will Annie Duke win in our Urban Dictionary Challenge?
For those of you who don’t know, Urban Dictionary is the pretty much the funniest website in the world (with jakeandamir.com and failblog.org close seconds). Try typing your own first name into it and see what definitions it pulls out, too funny.
Criteria
We’ll stick the first and last names into UD, then the whole name, and we’ll assign win points and fail points according to the tone of each UD statement. Then at the end we’ll tally the points (As Jeff Probst would say) and see who comes out on top.
Annie Duke
Ok, first up is Annie Duke, let’s see what UD has in store for her.
annie
the coolest and baddest motherfuckin bitch alive. she is known for being fierce and independent, she will kick your ass.
1 win point
annie
greek name: (meaning) gorgeous, kindhearted, rebelious, gentle towards others.
The dog was walked by an Annie, that gave him delicious treats.
1 win point
annie
An exclamation of beauty and wonder
check out maddie, she’s a real annie.
1 win point
annie
one who steals heat from men; can only be defeated by a spin move
1 win point
annie
A derogatory term for a baseball groupie looking to score big and either land a ballplayer for a hubby or cause the baseball player to have marital problems. Might conveniently forget to use birth control. They get better looking the higher the level of baseball.
1 fail point
annie
Someone that would do anything for attention. No one really likes her.
1 fail point
annie
A term used to describe powdered methamphetamine, derived from a particular chemical (anhydrous ammonia) used in the manufacturing process.
1 fail point
annie
A special bin that contains used condoms,usually from those who are suffering from AIDS. It has more recently become a slang term for someone who is abnormally promiscuous.
1 fail point
annie
The string of snot that is often found hanging from a child or baby’s nose.
1 fail point
duke
To take a shit, typically a large one. You generally have to spend a few extra minutes more than normal to fully recover from this one.
1 fail point
duke
a fist (always plural) - as in “put up your dukes”
1 win point
duke
to bribe or slip money to in a clandestine way; it’s done by folding the bill three times, slipping it under the thumb, and passing it inconspicuously, like in a handshake
this has a multitude of uses, from getting a decent table in a restaurant to getting into a club when you don’t have a hot chick on your arm;
1 win point
duke
The greatest surfer known to man. Even greater than Kelly Slater. When on land the Duke rides women like riding the waves: He lines up, eye’s the target, drops in a rides it home.
1 win point
duke
Utter state of amazingness. can also mean very big or massive.
1 win point
duke
To take a steaming dump on a girl’s face.
100 confused points! - no score
duke
Noun: A term used for the old, larger, xbox controllers.
1 win point
duke
Supreme Being over everyone else - The Duke pwnd us all.
1 win point
duke
A female that has a large amount of ass
1 fail point
annie duke
Annie is the she-devil of all she-devils! She will suck your soul and destroy your small kittens. She will also eat young duke boys in her van full of candy!
1 fail point
annie duke
Whore Pit Viper - A deceitful, duplicitous, backstabbing, self-absorbed, and sexually promiscuous woman.
1 fail point
Total Win Points: 10
Total Fail Points: 9
SCORE: Win - Fail = 1
Joan Rivers
Now it’s Joan’s turn, let’s see how much love/hate there is out there in the urbandictionaryverse…
joan
Referring to any alocoholic beverage, mainly beer.
1 win point
joan
The act of having sex after two virgin midgets get married. It is a very sacred act and it is the reason many midgets remain virgins until they are married.
1 win point
joan
a lesbatronic name used for butch women of freaky deaky origin.
1 fail point
joan
Rocking a Bone, getting a stiffy
1 win point
rivers
The most amazing boyfriend ever. He is sweet, good looking, and talented.
1 win point
joan rivers
Ruiner of lives, Gaping Vagina mouth of Satan.
1 fail point
joan rivers
The scariest woman alive. If you see her - run! I also suggest that you don’t watch waterever horror show she is on.
1 fail point
joan rivers
“In an interview with W Magazine, Joan Rivers compared plastic surgery to car maintenance, saying you have to do it every two years. But, even for a car, she looks awful!”
1 fail point
joan rivers
During Missionary style sex you grab the sides of your womans face and pull the skin towards the top of her head until her navel becomes her mouth.
1 fail point
joan rivers
The group of friends you seldom hang out with or see but, when you do they only talk shit about everything and everyone around they see
1 fail point
joan rivers
An old woman who’s had too much plastic surgery and who aways says “can we talk”?
1 fail point
Total Win Points: 4
Total Fail Points: 7
SCORE: Win - Fail = -3
We Have A Winner!!!
Ok, you read it here in all it’s scientific glory. Annie Duke is officially the winner of the Urban Dictionary Celebrity Apprentice contest!
